Too many letters had been written, so many words have spoken on forgiveness and how we should forgive others, our parents, and ourselves. I believe no one questions it any more...But how actually can one forgive, if he or she cannot? If you have the capacity to forgive then just do it. Yet,a common misconception, forgiveness isn't a mental decision and not even an intention, but it's an expansiveness of the heart to accept and heal. With every negative emotion our heart shrinks and closes up little by little and we begin to put boundaries on ourselves. We begin to identify with our hurt and our struggle and hold the idea of forgiveness above ourselves and others.The truth is, when your heart heals and expands, opening again into the wholeness of your being, you can forgive with no effort as just a by-product of your healing. Forgiveness is just another word for acceptance. With acceptance, it is easy to take another step towards “letting it go”. As soon as we are able to heal our high hearts and once again soften into the openness of compassion, melting the boundaries of our fear based limitations, with simplicity and ease we naturally can forgive. Simply, healing ourselves inwardly, simultaneously heals all our relationships, especially the relationship we have with our parents or family and requires no apologies, discussions, or work on their part. You will find through your own experience that a healing heart is a working healing with every relationship you have on every level. Then we transcend the misconception of what it means to forgive and authentically and acceptingly just do.
Let me use my personal story: My mother in law gave me as a gift, a small diamond ring she has been wearing for her entire life. I was made aware of just how special it is to her. When she told me the story behind this gift, I was brought to tears, and this ring is very special to me now. Fifty years back my mother in law visited her grandparents in a small village in Ukraine, it was a summer break from school and she was planning to stay with them for the entire summer. But on June 21, 1941 German fascists came into Ukraine, and so the Second War had began. Her parents requested her to leave immediately with her grandparents in order to escape from death, since the nazis were waging war on all the jews, and it had become a great danger to stay there. My mother-in-law left, but her grandparents refused to do so, since they couldn't fathom that civilized Germans could kill people for being Jewish. During the war they had no possibility to communicate in any way. After the War had finished, all the family moved into a village, no one was there...just an empty house. All the Jews had been killed in Babi Yar ( 150,000 jews ended their lives at this sadly infamous place). So, they sold the house, and divided the earnings into three parts, as they had three daughters. My mother in law got a small diamond and made a ring out of it, which she wore for her entire life. When she passed this ring to me, and every time I put it on my finger since then, the memory of her grandparents "Claas ashes strike into my heart". Recently I was hosting one of my daughters friends from another country. She was set to stay with us for, four months. Naturally I did my best to make her stay comfortable and memorable for her, I was treating her as my own daughter. One day, my daughter, mentioned, that the grandfather of her friend use to be a Nazi and escaped from military court by immigrating to another part of the world. When she told me that , I started to cry...I’m not Jewish myself, but again "Claas ashes strike into my heart", with this news. My daughter wasn’t aware of the whole story of the ring, so I told her, explaining why it's so painful to me to hear that a girl I was treating like my daughter was a grandchild of the person who somehow was part of the tragedy that happened with millions and millions of people who gave their lives during the Second World War.I completely understand that the girl has nothing to do with it...but still...if I knew this before, at least I could've had a choice not to host her in my home. I should at the very least have this kind of choice! I kept crying and crying and in an instant I chose to ask my inner guidance what should I do? The answer was : “expand your heart”...so I obliged and did! It was so easy and beautiful, the pain had gone,love filled up my heart once more, and I was crying again but now in bliss!
So, I think if I can, you can do this...accept, expand...let it go!